wFrom: Jim White

wtDate: October 17, 2013
Subject: To Good Not to Share
Frank,
Calpis, without a change in the spelling, is still around and has branched out into a number of varieties and flavors. See

However, to the untrained non-Japanese ear, it still sounds like "Cow p----."
Back to Japan's problems with English. When Japan hosted a Science Exposition in Tsukuba (north of Tokyo) in 1985, some of the organizers thought that "Sexpo" would be a nice abbreviation for "Science Expo." Fortunately, someone told them that "Sexpo" was already an informally registered trademark used by certain types of businesses before they got too far along in printing posters, advertising, etc.

Another point, the "KKK" buses in Japan were run by Kokusai Kotsuu Kabushiki-Kaisha or International Transportation, Ltd. For more information see AFVN Group Conversations / AFVN Work Bus.
Jim W

wFrom: Frank Rogers

wtDate: October 16, 2013

Subject: Japeigo

Jim,

Even Fukappy would not be a good alternative.I believe Calpis has changed its name. I saw one carton in San Diego .. but can't remember the spelling.I wish I had had a camera one time when troops at Camp Drake were changing sheets. There were white and black troops with their sheets, standing in line beside a bus with the letters KKK. (Kokusai Kabushiki Kaisha)

In the Philippines, KKK is an old patriotic organization, whose name signifies highest virtue: Kataas-taasan Kagalang-galangan Katipunan Got it?

wFrom: Steve Sevits

wtDate: June 4, 2013
Subject: Use of Beijing English - Chinese Hotel Brochure
I recall buying a new 90 cc Honda motorcycle on Okinawa in 1963. The manual was in English. One drawing showed the ignition key with an arrow indicating which to turn it. The text read “for to lighting the fire in the engine please.” The meaning was absolutely clear. I sold the bike but wish I’d kept the manual.
There was a roadside vegetable stand on Okinawa, north of Koza. The sign said “Wakamatsu Park, Approved Vegetables Stand.” The proprietor also had a sideline, his sign advertised him as a “Foundational Juridical Person.’ I never found out if he was a notary public or Superior Court Judge. The last 50 years have been full of great speculation and animated dinner table conversation which would have never occurred if I knew the answer.
Steve

wFrom: Steve Sevits
wtDate: June 3, 2013
Subject: The Use of Beijing English - Chinese hotel brochure
Steve forwarded the following from a friend:

Use of Beijing English - Chinese Hotel Brochure .......
Let's hear it for language classes !!!
A friend went to Beijing recently and was given this brochure by the hotel. It is precious. She is keeping it and reading it whenever she feels depressed. Obviously, it has been translated directly, word for word from Mandarin to English……….
---------------
Getting There: Our representative will make you wait at the airport. The bus to the hotel runs along the lake shore. Soon you will feel pleasure in passing water. You will know that you are getting near the hotel, because you will go round the bend. The manager will await you in the entrance hall. He always tries to have intercourse with all new guests.
The hotel: This is a family hotel, so children are very welcome. We of course are always pleased to accept adultery. Highly skilled nurses are available in the evenings to put down your children. Guests are invited to conjugate in the bar and expose themselves to others. But please note that ladies are not allowed to have babies in the bar. We organize social games, so no guest is ever left alone to play with them self.
The Restaurant: Our menus have been carefully chosen to be ordinary and unexciting. At dinner, our quartet will circulate from table to table, and fiddle with you.
Your Room: Every room has excellent facilities for your private parts. In winter, every room is on heat. Each room has a balcony offering views of outstanding obscenity! You will not be disturbed by traffic noise, since the road between the hotel and the lake is used only by pederasts.
Bed: Your bed has been made in accordance with local tradition. If you have any other ideas please ring for the chambermaid. Please take advantage of her. She will be very pleased to squash your shirts, blouses and underwear. If asked, she will also squeeze your trousers.
Above all: When you leave us at the end of your holiday, you will have no hope. You will struggle to forget it.

wFrom: Jim White
wtDate: June 4, 2013
Subject: Use of Beijing English - Chinese Hotel Brochure
True, the Chinese, and even more, the Japanese, are great at mangling the English language. But this one is "too good to be true." Only a native speaker of English would be able to distort the sentences into making sense in a humorous or sexy way.
Someone may have used a Chinese notice as a basis for writing this--but it is NOT a word-for-word translation.
Jim

wFrom: Steve Sevits
wtDate: June 3, 2013
Subject: The Use of Beijing English - Chinese hotel brochure
Steve forwarded the following from a friend:

Use of Beijing English - Chinese Hotel Brochure .......
Let's hear it for language classes !!!
A friend went to Beijing recently and was given this brochure by the hotel. It is precious. She is keeping it and reading it whenever she feels depressed. Obviously, it has been translated directly, word for word from Mandarin to English……….
---------------
Getting There: Our representative will make you wait at the airport. The bus to the hotel runs along the lake shore. Soon you will feel pleasure in passing water. You will know that you are getting near the hotel, because you will go round the bend. The manager will await you in the entrance hall. He always tries to have intercourse with all new guests.
The hotel: This is a family hotel, so children are very welcome. We of course are always pleased to accept adultery. Highly skilled nurses are available in the evenings to put down your children. Guests are invited to conjugate in the bar and expose themselves to others. But please note that ladies are not allowed to have babies in the bar. We organize social games, so no guest is ever left alone to play with them self.
The Restaurant: Our menus have been carefully chosen to be ordinary and unexciting. At dinner, our quartet will circulate from table to table, and fiddle with you.
Your Room: Every room has excellent facilities for your private parts. In winter, every room is on heat. Each room has a balcony offering views of outstanding obscenity! You will not be disturbed by traffic noise, since the road between the hotel and the lake is used only by pederasts.
Bed: Your bed has been made in accordance with local tradition. If you have any other ideas please ring for the chambermaid. Please take advantage of her. She will be very pleased to squash your shirts, blouses and underwear. If asked, she will also squeeze your trousers.
Above all: When you leave us at the end of your holiday, you will have no hope. You will struggle to forget it.

Weird English
August 2013
Samples of how English perhaps shouldn't be?

AFVN Group Conversations

wFrom: Jim White
wtDate: October 16, 2013
Subject: To Good Not to Share
Please go to the link to see an article on "'Fukuppy' firm rethinking mascot after Internet ridicule."

Click Here

wFrom: Jim Staton [?]
wtDate: June 7, 2013
Subject: Beijin English? How about Thailish?
From a Bangkok Hotel Menu (with translation):

Bacon Christ - crisp bacon
engrish moppings with bother - English muffins with butter
flied eggs - fried eggs

Meanwhile in my old Ramasun Station 7th RRFS haunts, Udorn, two T shirts worn by sexy young Thai girls circa 2000:
1. Picture of 60s go-go girl with inscription "Fat Dan's Lady." It took me weeks to figure this one out and I was only able to break the code because I'm an old Thai/Lao translator-interpreter. What the go-go girl is doing is called 'ten lum' in Thai which translates literally to "fast dance." It didn't sink in until I saw several of these on different girls. I guess there wasn't a 'Fat Dan' after all.
2. Rip off picture of Rolling Stones "mouth and tongue logo" with inscription "Big Pun Roger". That was easy...."Big Punk Rocker", though I'm not sure Mick and the boys qualify as 'punk rockers' anywhere except in Thailand. I've got at least a dozen more but I'll save them for later. Anyone else have some good Thailish?